I felt like writing

patters and light. light and paterns. this is what I see. when I see you.
I wanted to tell you you have a beautiful smile, I thought of her instead.
There was dancing tonight. dancing and blood like life. like life and fluid feelings water. and you. always you. always here. always.
and evry moment from now on is for you. Music

and then the call. always the call and a voice and shame and guilt and sad and pain. always the call and pain. screaming pain. but a wise philosopher once told me that feeings are fluid and it's ok. it's all going to be ok. One day child when things are brighter.

Today I felt like writing all today I felt like writing. putting words on paper anything on ones and zeros. just write I thought. hurry hurry write because we're all running out of time. all of us. I thought of you again. connections and people. I thought of her again. I remembered the poem I wrote for her once. I remembered the poetry he traced on my skin once. I remembered that one once so long ago I let a man come inside me. I remembered that once once so long ago I learned how to come inside me.

I thought that maybe I wanted your lips and your hand and your skin. most of all I wanted to want it. wanted to want again.

I am caught with where to start. a day that should not have existed. the reality I fight to escape. I am caught in a cage and do i start there. every new begining is another beginning's end. if i'm constantly beggining then I am constatntly ending. I feel constantly ending.

How I love the sounds of these keys under my fingertips. how i love this sound. i'm making love to it- i wonder if I'll ever make love to her that way. skin is like poetry I told her once so long ago. skin when you feel it is like poetry. fingertips are words and lips always rhyme. always fit. something beautiful. something true.