moving

Five years ago I packed up my life and left my parents house. Slept where i could kept stuff where i could. My friends were amazing that year. I finally stayed with my sister. collected all my stuff in a corner of her apartment.

Four years ago i packed it up again, when i got to school, i found that it all fit into half a tiny closet. I remember Standing there and thinking about how curious it was that one's life should fit into such a small place. But it was true. It was me. I was what i needed. clothes and bathroom stuff. that was all i needed. i was quiet and small and liked to hide in closets. There was no personality, but that was alright by me.

There were moves in between. every year. always acquiring more and more things. And books. so many books. And writing. so much writing.

Today i pack it all up again. make one more move. I remember all the things people have told me about it, packing. mostly they say how much they hate it. what a hassle it is, how much it feels like an ending, or like change and change is scary when you like the place where you are. But I am in a good mood. I remember every single item in my possesion, where and when i got it. Each one has a bit of life in it. And my closet is packed with things now. My life packed with life now. Memories of friends and laughter and love. lots of love. My books fill two boxes now. My writing fills three. There are playbills of the plays i was in. Pictures where i look younger each year. Gifts from past birthdays. A wide selection of blankets and pillows for all those times people stayed over at my place, where ever that happened to be at the time. The pottery I made in ceramics class freshman year. the moccasins i got when i started doing danza. my wall of quotes.

Packing it all up and moving again. a bigger apartment. 2 bedrooms, one bath, closets and pantries and a small office. Freshly painted walls. And empty.

I'm going to fill it. and the next time i move i'll need u-haul. and i'll give alot of stuff away and i'll need a whole other bedroom for my writing.

I wonder if there'll be more playbills to come. I wonder about the birthdays i'll celebrate there. The people I'll let sleep over. And the things i can't even imagine yet. It'll be pretty brilliant.