Why do I miss you so much, these last couple days.
Always on days I want to die more than others.
You are a reminder, an example, of what a terrible person I am. I will never be right, or good, or good enough. For people like you.
I don't trust anybody wants to stay. I get so tired of trying.
Today I am so tired of trying.
It doesn't immobilize me anymore. It's just a state of perpetual being.
I keep thinking of I hear the right thing from doctors then it'll mean it's not my fault. But it is. It is it is it is. I won't be a different person. A new diagnosis doesn't keep me from being such a piece of shit.
Just so fucking tired of trying to convince myself otherwise.
