I miss you. I don't know if I'm supposed to miss you,  so I try to stay away. Supposed to.  Maybe it doesn't matter whether I'm supposed to or not. Just that I do. I stopped. We stopped before we became friends really. So I don't know what role we were supposed to play in each other's lives.

Look how good I am. Went over a week without trying to reach out to anyone and here I barely felt it.

You show people how to treat you. I am showing you that you don't have to check in. You don't have to talk to me. I require more than you are willing to give. This is a kindness,  staying away. 

I don't yet know how to not answer.

Me: I'm so good at quitting 

My roommate: yes,  you are.

He has to put up with me because I pay rent here. I'm trying to stay out of the way. I hope... I have to figure out how I'm going to pay for all this. How to leave money when I die so he doesn't have to get a roommate right away.

I've decided the goal is a studio. I'll get a cat. I'll stay out of everybody's way. Eventually people will forget. It'll be an old cat. Less of a commitment.

Why are these days so damn hard. I don't know how to get out of my head.