Day 4

Day 4 only has 5 hours left in it. I can do anything for 5 hours. Maybe not ANYTHING
But certainly staying away is something I can do.
Here then is the measure of love. One hurts. Hurts to look at,  hurts to think about. Hurts to remember. The other... a one night stand over staying its welcome. I don't know why I got so attached. When was the moment? When I could have turned back,  turned away,  and didn't.
The car maybe? The ride that one time when he started rapping and his whole demeanor changed?
Was it the day after the first time,  when we had dinner and every moment I was trying to convince myself to break things off with him but didn't.  And after dinner,  being so open and honest and vulnerable and him holding my hand. Making everything ok. Standing by while I used him to heal myself. Maybe it was everything. Maybe it's because he reminds me so much of someone else.
Either way.  It's almost over. I can always bring the deadline back if I really need to. And I want to. I do. So much.