I never thought of you as anything other than permanent.

I am not a fun person, that is to say, I am not the person one thinks of and says, let's call her, so much fun!

I am a 1 on 1 person, I am a change your life with a deep conversation that lasts all night person. I am a she'll be there when we need her person. Dependable. Strong. A rock.

Who wants to carry a rock around to the party or the movie or the game or just to be. Put a rock in the middle of the room and all it will do is get in the way, you'll have to walk around it. Unmovable.

People have lives. And what is life but the people and places you surround yourself with. I am not a people or place worth surrounding.

And when this happens. When I get like this, I can't help thinking.  Good. Keep it up. If the reason i'm staying is for people, all I have to do is stop trying and the people will go and then I will go. Slip away. So quiet, I won't be noticed. When there is nobody left. I can go. I can go.

She's crawling in bed with me. And in the morning I say, I want to leave and she won't let me. Still it is only today I must get through. Only today.