I'm the person who says "Let's hang out soon" not the one it's said to.

I'm the person you fit in because you think you have to but the real celebration happens before and after. I'm not the person who is invited to the party.

If I take enough drugs, and see enough specialists, will it make things feel less alone? Will I feel less unlovable. Unlikeable. Un everything.

We show people how to treat us. What did I do to make me such a terrible person?

And I am.

My therapist says she cannot continue to treat me. Says there's not much she can do for me. Says I have to go into a hospital or she'll refer my case out. I think "don'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcrydon'tcry" but I still do.

What a relief it will be not going to therapy for a while. Until I break again, as I am oft to do. Which of course means she's right. I clearly need more help than any one person can provide.